I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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