handjob tips. give me some.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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