the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
