just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
