did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
