My cat gives me a boner
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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