If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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