don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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