Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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