you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
