Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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