oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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