Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
