hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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