The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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