i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
