i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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