life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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