I haven't been this sober since birth.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
