his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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