Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
