fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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