She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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