new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
