ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
