My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
