At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am available for nakedness
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
