After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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