I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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