Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
