david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
