1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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