It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
