you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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