i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
