I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
