Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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