all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
