worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
