just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
