Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She bit a glass in half.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
