Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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