a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
