The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Boobs speak an international language.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
