She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
