im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
