Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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