My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
