I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
