Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
