Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
