Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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