Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
