Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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