She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
