You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This house was built for laser tag.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
