I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
