i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
