we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
