Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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